worn out ... by my kid, by life

Why is my daughter wearing me out so much these days??

Maggie tends to be a very sweet girl and we normally have something of a mommy-daughter groove. Sure, there are skips in the groove sometimes - we have a little meltdown or a little fuss session - but things quickly return to normal.

But the last few days have just been a little more intense than usual. And I really think it's not even that she is being that difficult. It's something else that devastates me and makes me sick to my stomach. It's just me feeling like the disapproval of people who think I can't handle her. At church the other day, Maggie was a little, oh... spunkier than usual. She is usually VERY good and handles herself very well during the hour-long worship services. We're up in the choir loft and usually she'll play and snack - and generally do quite well. Any sounds she makes are happy and chirpy ones. Well, yesterday, she was NOT horrid. She was a little on the fussy side during the anthem (during which I was singing, so I couldn't take her downstairs). She managed to drop a stacking cup from the loft and it landed behind the last row of worshipers, and apparently a few people noticed. Right before communion, she started fussing, so I took her downstairs (as sound from the choir loft amplifies). I let her stomp around downstairs and we went back up after communion. And she got a little fussy again during the very last hymm. But church ended right after that.

Problem solved? You would think so. That is, if you were a rational, empathetic, grace-filled person. But apparently someone felt the need to complain to my husband - the PASTOR who (understandably) does NOT wrangle his daughter during worship - as they exited the sanctuary. Normally people shake hands with the pastor, share any pertinent information that they need to share with him. Apparently, it was pertinent for this person to let him know his daughter was "disruptive" and "distracting." (Actually, I probably shouldn't throw up quotations since I did not witness this encounter.) Well, yes. She was more disruptive than usual. But we handled things the best we could.

Obviously Tim can't do anything about this DURING worship. So this comment was meant for me to know. As in, "handle your kid better." I just get so frustrated when people can't deal with a child being a child. Don't get me wrong - I'm NOT going to let my kid go absolutely ape-shit and just shrug and say, "Ahh, how cute. My kid is being a kid!" But for heaven's sake, most people understand that children are not 100% shiny happy giggly cute all.the.time. And even if they are annoyed or "distracted" by one that is being momentarily fussy, they're not USUALLY going to confront your spouse or be an ASS about it. Proper etiquette might involve any of the following:

1) grinning and bearing it,
2) raising your eyebrows and smiling at your neighbor,
3) remembering that kids are kids,
4) remembering that most women have found themselves in this situation,
and maybe even
4) offering Mom a sympathetic comment OR even consider lending a hand.

I just don't like feeling like people think I'm a moron who can't handle my child. Most of the time I do a pretty darn good job with her. And most of the time she too is a pretty darn good kid. I am not a slacker idiot who ignores her kid and needs someone to tell my husband that the baby was unruly. Yeah, I was there. I seem to remember that.

Maybe the question isn't "why is my daughter wearing me out so much these days?" but more along the lines of "Why are people so wrapped up in themselves that they can't put themselves in someone elses shoes for a minute, and speak a word of peace instead putting EVEN MORE negativity out into the world?" I suppose the first question is more concise, but the 2nd one is the one that keeps me up at night. Especially when it comes to people of faith who supposedly want to live a good and righteous life.

I know that I don't have to please the masses, and it's something I don't worry about nearly as much as I used to, but it still bothers me when people go out of their way to let you know they disapprove. Mind you, these are usually the people who never ever offer a kindly word, even when there are plenty of opportunities to do so.

I just wish people were more willing to lend a hand, lend support, or ... learn to just shut their damn mouths. Sometimes THAT is the best thing someone can do.