parental identity

So parenting isn't a job, per say. It's a lot of work - which can make it feel like a job. Since I am home with my girl throughout the day while Tim goes out and earns a paycheck from his job, I sometimes consider my parenting of Maggie my "job." Some would say a 24/7 sort of job, since you're always potentially "on call." But of course, it's more than a 24/7 sort of job, because you can always make the choice to quit a job. And you can't just QUIT parenting. Well, you can try, but you'll generally get into bigbigbig trouble if you try to pull something like that... with family, with the authorities, with CPS. Therefore, it's more than a job ... it's an identity.

Identity. I'm a daughter, a sister, a wife. I'm a sinner, I'm a saint. I'm jaded, I'm hopeful. I'm a dreamer, I'm a doer. I am going to be a student again soon, which still befuddles me. My identity has definitely been stretched in the last year+ to encompass being a parent.

I know healthy parents need to find time for themselves. Time that - like any sort of job - they can "take off" from and nurture the other aspects of themselves. I get out from time to time, but usually just end up doing something I need to do anyway: grocery shop, deposit the recycling, clean something, go to the Post Office. And at the time, I don't mind. I like the satisfaction of "getting things done" and crossing things off the proverbial list in my head. Some of it even falls under what I've come to tell myself is part of my "job description." Perhaps this is why I find myself weary? (Beyond the time I'm officially "on" and chasing a very busy and curious little lady.)

I guess all my musing just has to do with being reminded that parenting is such a ... permanent thing. Since parenting is more than simply a "job" we've signed up for, even when we're "off" (after baby is in bed or we're out having "me" time) - we are parents. We don't get to ever really NOT be parents. It's just part of who we are. Maybe some folks are better at shedding that role than I find myself able to do, but I do need acknowledge and nurture all those other parts of myself that I rattled off a few paragraphs back.

I don't think you have to shed the role of "parent" is necessary to have good quality - and very necessary - "me time." I am finding that it's always with me, but it doesn't have to be front and center. It has to integrate with the rest of me. All the other parts of me still exist. They take turns surfacing, some stronger than others, but all still within me....

My daughter takes up a huge amount of my time and emotional energy and I love her for it (most of the time!), but I guess am pleased that I haven't "sold my brain to the mommies." This was something I didn't really FEAR would happen to me, but I felt like I'd seen it happen with some peers that I'm no longer super close with. Parenthood became the ONLY identity, the ONLY thing I ever saw presented ... it was like everything I knew about them disappeared with the birth of their first children. Maybe it was just my naive-not-having-kids perception of them? Or maybe you really DO have to be intentional about staying in touch with who you are WHILE welcoming your identity of parent? Maybe it's both...

Anyway, no crazy startling insight to leave you with. Just wondering about how I appear now to my friends without kids? Do they think mommies have taken over my brain? Oh, I hope they still know I am here ... busy and in love with my baby girl much of the time ... but still very much the Laura I have always been.... who will continue to evolve, change, and find old and new aspects of herself all the time... :)