wrapping up 2009 ...

We're on the road coming home from having spent a wonderful couple of days down in Melbourne, Florida - where Tim's parents reside. Maggie has had an excellent time with her grandparents and though she always takes a while to warm up, her moodiness and sadness this morning definitely had to do with the realization she was leaving her new friends and family ... and that was difficult for her to do! Slowly but surely, she developed relationships and games and routines with her aunts and grandparents ... and experiencing all those fun new things made our leaving today SO hard to do!

Tim & I have just been marveling at Maggie's communication - this week alone! She is making so many strides with expressing herself - not just with words, but also with signs. And she is repeating SO many things ... guess it's time to check ourselves and be a little more careful as we may have quite a little talker on our hands VERY shortly! Some of her revelations have included:

- When Tim's mom sang vocal warm up songs to her, she was able to say "'gin! 'gin!" asking her Grammy to repeat that same vocal song ... again and again. :)

- Saying, "Amen!" repeatedly at the end of our mealtime prayer. Girlie has got the Spirit!

- Being very clear with her "all done" signs at the end of meals, bathtimes, naptimes ... and while we try to honor her clear signal, we also tried to make sure still napped as necessary. :)

- Doing more signs than usual - "water" and "change" standing out.

There's lots of other things too ... mostly lots of repetition and things that sound pretty close to real words and phrases - "I diit" (I did it) or "Bangda" (granddad) or "eeee" (which now could mean not only monkey sounds or teeth ... but also "tree" or "east." Grandma taught her about going east.) :) She's also saying "nana" (banana) and "keeee" (kitty) and meowing (ya ya ya, she "sings" it) ...

Anyway, we will soon stop at our hotel for the night (in Florence, SC). Happy new year! May 2010 bring blessings upon blessings - and joy and peace of mind and heart to help you through the inevitable difficulties!

communication!

We've been having some fun little breakthroughs with Maggs in the communication department. Of course, she chatters away all the time and much of what we do is guess and go by her emotional cues (oh, and she has emotional cues!) ... but for the sake of my memories (and not being a diligent scrapbooker or baby-booker), here are some of things Maggie says/signs as we approach the 18mo mark:

- eee eee eee! (Depending on inflection, this is either a monkey OR a toothbrushing request)
- hewp/ewp ("help!" - usually w/getting in a chair or out of a basket, she also signs this by clasping her hands together and raising them up and down in front of her - very close!)
- uh-oh!! (her phrase of choice ... for mischeviousness, for dropping things, for...just about anything!)
- umma umma! (Yum! I like this! ... or want this!)
- da (refers to Dad ... and sometimes other relatives ... an oddly enough, Ms. Ruth, our church organist)
- mama (yes folks, that's me!)
- nasal snorts (in general she is looking at a picture of a pig when this happens)
- quack/guack (duck sounds, she also signs "bird" for just about every kind of aviary she sees ... and sometimes for other animals as well? She talks about birds a lot!)
- oof oof (says a dog)
- tayoo (I swear I've heard this and in context it could really be "thank you"!)
- signs "eat" and "more" and "all done" and sometimes makes a drinking motion for a cup of milk

I am sure there more, but I know I'm forgetting some things. I will add to the list as I remember/witness more of these fun little "breakthroughs." :)

And many happy wishes to my sister-in-law/new mama (the girl is a natural): Amy, who birthed Sofia Victoria on the morning of December 3! She is such a sweet girl who we got to spend the last two days with and we are looking forward to many more visits in the future! Many blessings be upon your days together and may God continue to bless this beautiful family: Amy, Gonzalo, and Sofia!


Me with (the slightly jealous) Magdalena and new cousin, Sofia!

new skill!

Look what Maggs can do! I'm used to helping her scoop but I just let go... and what do you know? She can do it! (Of course, it's a little messier with something like applesauce or pureed peas ... they don't stay put on the spoon as well!)

how to really love a child

I found this tucked in my old journal from the year I was in Lutheran Volunteer Corps. I copied it down on to a used sheet of paper loooong before I had any inkling of what it would be like to a parent. It still really inspires me, so I wanted to share it!

How to Really Love a Child
by SARK

Be there. Say yes as often as possible. Let them bang on pots and pans. If they're crabby, put them in water. If they're unlovable, love yourself. Realize how important it is to be a child. Go to a movie theater in your pajamas. Read books out loud with joy. Invent pleasures together. Remember how small they are. Giggle a lot. Surprise them. Say no when necessary. Teach feelings. Heal your own inner child. Learn about parenting. Hug trees together. Make loving safe. Bake a cake and eat it with no hands. Go find elephants and kiss them. Plan to build a rocketship. Imagine yourself magic. Make lots of forts with blankets. Let your angel fly. Reveal your own dreams. Search out the positive. Keep the gleam in your eye. Mail letters to God. Encourage silly. Plant licorice in your garden. Open up. Stop yelling. Express your love. A lot. Speak kindly. Paint their tennis shoes. Handle with caring. Children are miraculous.

parental identity

So parenting isn't a job, per say. It's a lot of work - which can make it feel like a job. Since I am home with my girl throughout the day while Tim goes out and earns a paycheck from his job, I sometimes consider my parenting of Maggie my "job." Some would say a 24/7 sort of job, since you're always potentially "on call." But of course, it's more than a 24/7 sort of job, because you can always make the choice to quit a job. And you can't just QUIT parenting. Well, you can try, but you'll generally get into bigbigbig trouble if you try to pull something like that... with family, with the authorities, with CPS. Therefore, it's more than a job ... it's an identity.

Identity. I'm a daughter, a sister, a wife. I'm a sinner, I'm a saint. I'm jaded, I'm hopeful. I'm a dreamer, I'm a doer. I am going to be a student again soon, which still befuddles me. My identity has definitely been stretched in the last year+ to encompass being a parent.

I know healthy parents need to find time for themselves. Time that - like any sort of job - they can "take off" from and nurture the other aspects of themselves. I get out from time to time, but usually just end up doing something I need to do anyway: grocery shop, deposit the recycling, clean something, go to the Post Office. And at the time, I don't mind. I like the satisfaction of "getting things done" and crossing things off the proverbial list in my head. Some of it even falls under what I've come to tell myself is part of my "job description." Perhaps this is why I find myself weary? (Beyond the time I'm officially "on" and chasing a very busy and curious little lady.)

I guess all my musing just has to do with being reminded that parenting is such a ... permanent thing. Since parenting is more than simply a "job" we've signed up for, even when we're "off" (after baby is in bed or we're out having "me" time) - we are parents. We don't get to ever really NOT be parents. It's just part of who we are. Maybe some folks are better at shedding that role than I find myself able to do, but I do need acknowledge and nurture all those other parts of myself that I rattled off a few paragraphs back.

I don't think you have to shed the role of "parent" is necessary to have good quality - and very necessary - "me time." I am finding that it's always with me, but it doesn't have to be front and center. It has to integrate with the rest of me. All the other parts of me still exist. They take turns surfacing, some stronger than others, but all still within me....

My daughter takes up a huge amount of my time and emotional energy and I love her for it (most of the time!), but I guess am pleased that I haven't "sold my brain to the mommies." This was something I didn't really FEAR would happen to me, but I felt like I'd seen it happen with some peers that I'm no longer super close with. Parenthood became the ONLY identity, the ONLY thing I ever saw presented ... it was like everything I knew about them disappeared with the birth of their first children. Maybe it was just my naive-not-having-kids perception of them? Or maybe you really DO have to be intentional about staying in touch with who you are WHILE welcoming your identity of parent? Maybe it's both...

Anyway, no crazy startling insight to leave you with. Just wondering about how I appear now to my friends without kids? Do they think mommies have taken over my brain? Oh, I hope they still know I am here ... busy and in love with my baby girl much of the time ... but still very much the Laura I have always been.... who will continue to evolve, change, and find old and new aspects of herself all the time... :)

tidbits about today

Today started with my girl letting herself in and plodding her way into my room and greeting me at my bedside, patting my hands which were curled up in front of me. Mind you, Tim had been up with her for 20-30 minutes already, and she had just gotten away from what they were doing together, but what fun it was to see her like, "Care to join us, mama?" :)

I scooped her up into bed and sat up with her and after a quick initial cuddle, Maggie started tugging my shirt and trying to lift it up - old nursing signals! She stopped nursing about 2 months ago. (Hard to believe it's already been that long!) She sized me up, copped a feel, leaned in toward me like she wanted to nurse ... but then, got distracted my belly button. Oh that funny belly button, makes her laugh every time. It was interesting though ... that was the first time she's really showed any interest/curiosity about nursing since she stopped. I asked her, "Are you remembering nursing? I don't have any milk for you anymore!" (Coincidently, she did see little 2mo Nicholas, at church, nursing yesterday, and she watched with interest. I wonder if that sparked her memory or something? Perhaps!)

Maggie is really starting to look at pictures more and pay attention to faces/content. This morning she came across the salad spinner box, which is sitting in the same place it always sits, but she noticed it had a picture of greens/carrots/tomatoes with the spinner. She starts smacking her lips together and pointing, saying, "Umma umma umma!" Obviously, salad is good stuff! My sweet little vegetarian. ;)

Also along the lines of noticing what is in pictures, she got out the church directory. On the cover is a big old picture of our church. "Da da da!" she announced. Correct, little one, that's where we always go to see Daddy. I opened it to a picture of the sanctuary and she just got the giggles. She really doeslike tromping around in the sanctuary. Tim pointed out that that is probably the angle she is used to seeing from the choir loft (where we sit at church). Maybe that church drives me and Tim nuts some days, but our girlie has good impressions and associations of it. :)

Anyhow, just some fun observations. She is really making so many connections about things these days. We also spent some fun time at the park today because it is a gloriously sunny November day. You don't get a ton of these, so we got to playin'!





Just gorgeous!

everybody poops (except magdalena)

Looking for some advice!

As you may have presumed from the title, Maggie is having trouble in the pooping department. She always has been a reluctant pooper (even as a breast-fed baby, she'd often take 10 days between poops). Things slowed down again with solids, then started to pick up this summer and early fall! She was becoming a more normal pooper - or so it seemed. Her diet was wide and varied (with lots of veggies, fruits and grains) and I was very appreciative to have such an adventurous eater. It took a little work, but she was pooping 1-2x a day, glory be!

Note the past tense I just used. Yup, in the last two months or so (?), Maggie gone from cutting back on nursing to completely weaned. She drinks a couple bottles of milk a day, which I think is good overall since she has become much more difficult to feed. Part of this has to do with feeding herself (a crazy messy independence-building experience) BUT not being sure how much she is taking in) and part of it has to do with her narrowed scope of foods. Not very into fruits, except in yogurt and the occasional handful of raisins. Likes her veggies, but how much does she actually ingest? It is very hard to tell. Used to drink a juice/water blend, which didn't work miracles in the pooping, but helped. Now, she only wants milk. Or water, which I do give her to assure she's not dehydrated, but she doesn't slug that down like she does the milk.

She used to eat pureed prunes and drink a prune juice/water blend, but is not interested in those anymore. I have tried sneaking some cut up prunes into her raisin piles, but she is on to me. (I am going to keep trying though.) I do also slip some infant probiotic powder into her yogurt and milk to help her immune system - with hopes it will help her little body digest and keep things moving. Not much luck with that at all lately. :(

At all her well-baby check ups when I would be concerned about the poo factor, the doctor would feel around her abdomen and thankfully, he never had any concerns about blockages or obstructions. He just explained that some kid's muscles do take longer to "figure it out." I plan to ask again at her next one, but like I said, I worry now that along with her biological pooping reluctancy that a lot of it is diet related.

Do any of you wise parents have suggestions for me? On helping to make her diet well rounded AND/OR in helping her in the elimination department? Am I missing some ideas for foods that might help her eliminate? I can't help but think the two are connected and honestly, it is SOOOO hard to watch her yell and struggle and cry as she tries to poop. :(


I has to poop.

worn out ... by my kid, by life

Why is my daughter wearing me out so much these days??

Maggie tends to be a very sweet girl and we normally have something of a mommy-daughter groove. Sure, there are skips in the groove sometimes - we have a little meltdown or a little fuss session - but things quickly return to normal.

But the last few days have just been a little more intense than usual. And I really think it's not even that she is being that difficult. It's something else that devastates me and makes me sick to my stomach. It's just me feeling like the disapproval of people who think I can't handle her. At church the other day, Maggie was a little, oh... spunkier than usual. She is usually VERY good and handles herself very well during the hour-long worship services. We're up in the choir loft and usually she'll play and snack - and generally do quite well. Any sounds she makes are happy and chirpy ones. Well, yesterday, she was NOT horrid. She was a little on the fussy side during the anthem (during which I was singing, so I couldn't take her downstairs). She managed to drop a stacking cup from the loft and it landed behind the last row of worshipers, and apparently a few people noticed. Right before communion, she started fussing, so I took her downstairs (as sound from the choir loft amplifies). I let her stomp around downstairs and we went back up after communion. And she got a little fussy again during the very last hymm. But church ended right after that.

Problem solved? You would think so. That is, if you were a rational, empathetic, grace-filled person. But apparently someone felt the need to complain to my husband - the PASTOR who (understandably) does NOT wrangle his daughter during worship - as they exited the sanctuary. Normally people shake hands with the pastor, share any pertinent information that they need to share with him. Apparently, it was pertinent for this person to let him know his daughter was "disruptive" and "distracting." (Actually, I probably shouldn't throw up quotations since I did not witness this encounter.) Well, yes. She was more disruptive than usual. But we handled things the best we could.

Obviously Tim can't do anything about this DURING worship. So this comment was meant for me to know. As in, "handle your kid better." I just get so frustrated when people can't deal with a child being a child. Don't get me wrong - I'm NOT going to let my kid go absolutely ape-shit and just shrug and say, "Ahh, how cute. My kid is being a kid!" But for heaven's sake, most people understand that children are not 100% shiny happy giggly cute all.the.time. And even if they are annoyed or "distracted" by one that is being momentarily fussy, they're not USUALLY going to confront your spouse or be an ASS about it. Proper etiquette might involve any of the following:

1) grinning and bearing it,
2) raising your eyebrows and smiling at your neighbor,
3) remembering that kids are kids,
4) remembering that most women have found themselves in this situation,
and maybe even
4) offering Mom a sympathetic comment OR even consider lending a hand.

I just don't like feeling like people think I'm a moron who can't handle my child. Most of the time I do a pretty darn good job with her. And most of the time she too is a pretty darn good kid. I am not a slacker idiot who ignores her kid and needs someone to tell my husband that the baby was unruly. Yeah, I was there. I seem to remember that.

Maybe the question isn't "why is my daughter wearing me out so much these days?" but more along the lines of "Why are people so wrapped up in themselves that they can't put themselves in someone elses shoes for a minute, and speak a word of peace instead putting EVEN MORE negativity out into the world?" I suppose the first question is more concise, but the 2nd one is the one that keeps me up at night. Especially when it comes to people of faith who supposedly want to live a good and righteous life.

I know that I don't have to please the masses, and it's something I don't worry about nearly as much as I used to, but it still bothers me when people go out of their way to let you know they disapprove. Mind you, these are usually the people who never ever offer a kindly word, even when there are plenty of opportunities to do so.

I just wish people were more willing to lend a hand, lend support, or ... learn to just shut their damn mouths. Sometimes THAT is the best thing someone can do.

morning o' thuds

Seeing daddy is gone until tonight, I have been pulling nighttime AND morning duty with Miss Maggs for the last couple days. Despite being up with a case of the squawks between 2-4 (I really don't think she was up the whole time, as I drifted during her flirtation with nighttime wakey), she was up and ready to go at 6:25. Sigh. It's not a drastic difference from her DST wake-up, but I'd love for her to get up 45-60 minutes later like she was before the switch! Anyway, we got up and I brought her into bed. She "snuggled" (a little bit of snuggle + a lot of bit of wiggles and kicks) for a bit and then decided she was hellbent on rolling off the bed. I managed to catch her every time, and despite my explaining to her that she could fall of the bed and break her pretty little head, all she wanted to do was tempt the fates....

We got out of bed, changed her diaper, moved laundry into the dryer, started a new load of diapers, gave her some milk and made scrambled eggs. She guzzled the milk and gobbled the eggs as she usually does and considered eating a bit of toast if I would feed it to her on a fork. Sigh. She yelled at me when I made a smoothie, as she hates the blender. Then with nutrition coursing through our bodies, playing began.

Maggie is becoming increasingly interested in climbing. Being up in the lazy boy or on the couch or up in a kitchen chair is super fun. She'll sit up in a chair and just proudly survey her kingdom. Unfortunately, since she never crawled, she doesn't really seem to "get" curving her body into a crawling/climbing position. She grabs arms of chairs and tries to throw a leg up until she's half doing splits in mid-air. Same thing with climbing up steps. You can just imagine how safe that is. I try to model how she might more safely climb into a chair, but she ends up giving me her classic "dirty look" - like, "You are totally in my way, mama!" I don't want to DO everything for her, but I generally end up helping her into the chair safely.

Our first THUD this morning came her falling out of the lazy boy. Yup. It was kind of a slow-mo fall (luckily) as I bolted across the room when I heard her cry out. She kind of caught herself (doing those splits again) going down, but gravity took her the rest of the way. She landed on her belly somehow, fussed for a minute while I gave her a hug, and then was on her way. Could have been much worse.

Our second THUD of the morning came while we were playing in her room. Remember how I said I started the washer earlier? Maggie was chilling in her laundry basket o' toys (this is the fun thing to do) when that noisy-to-start washer made a gigantic THUD. Maggie and I looked at each other like "uh-oh" and I poked my head out her door to look in the pantry. Nothing LOOKED out of sorts, but as I slid into a puddle of water and jammed my big toe into the bottom of the washer, I quickly saw things WERE out of sorts. Water had poured out the bottom of the washer. Why, I do not know. Is this a fluke, did the giant THUD signal something dying in there? I think it is likely the latter. I sopped up the water while Maggie laughed (thinking, "Yay! Water! It's like bathtime!" perhaps?) and after I got her settled down for nap, I told Bill (our landlord) about the deal. He's going to take it a look at it after she gets up from her nap and call someone if needed. I think it will be. Sigh. Ours being a non-traditional landlord/tenant relationship, I think we may need to pitch in and help with the costs.

Anyway - here's to no more THUDS today. I know the day is young, but that's my hope!

Can't wait for Tim to come home. We miss you Daddy!

inagural post

Why a new blog? Well... why not!?

I just wanted to set up a little place that I can try to keep track of my life and my daughter's life as she changes and grows by leaps and bounds. I do some of that on livejournal.com (http://laurakain.livejournal.com), but it seemed like a good idea to create a space for musings on life with my girl. And my guy. It remains to be seen as to what this blog will become, but ... here we are. :)

I picked the title "tired triumph" because at the end of the day, I am often exhausted. Go figure! I've run around like crazy with my 16 month old Maggs - tried to appease her - educate her - mold her into a good little person - and even tried to make her smile and laugh. I've tried to keep the house from imploding. I've tried to make a healthy meal or two. I've cleaned a chunk of it off the floor. (We're working on that whole "we don't waste food!" thing.) I've tried to be patient and loving. But at the end of the day, I also find that I sometimes feel a sense of triumph. We survived! I'm generally proud of my girl and what we've done. I hope that my husband and I are growing a caring, peaceful girl who is part of The Solution. Don't get me wrong ... there are certainly days I fall short of being the mom, the person, the Christian, the activist I aspire to be ... but I find I must rely on God's grace to keep me humble and allow me to get up to do it all again the next day!


The monkey who has my heart. :)