Wow, I definitely need to update this thing, but life has been a whirlwind of busyness and life changes for the last month or so ...
First and foremost - we have a son! Soren James joined us on June 9, a good 11 or so days after his latest estimated due date. It took going to the hospital and having my water broken (even that proved a little tricky due to how he was positioned), but 5 hours later ... we had an 8lb 12oz boy!
Two weeks after his birth, Soren took his first plane ride to Cleveland, Ohio where my dad got married to his fiance, Linda! It was a wonderful and blessed event and a great chance for everyone to meet our little guy. They honeymooned on Mackinac Island and traveled around northern Michigan afterwards. We saw friends and family from all around and Maggie enjoyed lots of pool time with her cousins. Wish we could get back to MI this summer, but it's not looking very likely...
A little over a week later (as we packed frantically), we made the big push and moved to Catonsville, MD! The church sent people to our place in Easton and greeted us with about a million more and they moved us into our beautiful townhouse. Tim hit the ground running at Salem - in fact, this week he is off at confirmation camp - and people have been wonderfully nice, welcoming and supportive. I made several trips back to the eastern shore for moving odds and ends, cleaning, and pediatrician appointments, but now... we're pretty much settled in. Yeah there are a few boxes that still need to be finished, but we're close.
I know, I know ... it's a speedy update for a speedy last month or so. Soren is 7 weeks old today and a totally sweet guy. Going thru a bit of a fussy stage (for him), but I also understand this is a common time for growth spurts. He sleeps well, eats well, is growing like a weed ... we are blessed. I am also registered for fall classes (just 2 this time around ... statistics and career development) and one of my next projects is to find child care for him and Maggie on Wednesdays.
It's a wild wild time... I guess the really big stuff is done, but I'm still hanging on for dear life... :)
7.28.2011
5.04.2011
patience, please? Please? PLEASE??!
C'mon.
I have heard people say you shouldn't pray for patience because God will serve you up plenty of ... ahem, opportunities to practice patience. And maybe tearing our hair out. Geez, God, way to kick us while we're down...
I don't really think God does that... lol... but I am praying for patience these days. Maggie is such a sweet and loving and silly and smart little girl, but at bedtime she transforms into the most persistent, rotten and insane little thing. She fights and fights. No rationality will do. We try ignoring. We try setting boundaries. We try cuddling to meet her needs. We try talking about it. We try reciting the rules. We try praying with her for peace. We try... we try... we try...
And we're tearing our hair out.
Some of these things work. Sometimes. Some nights. For the last several, nothing has worked until we're all miserable/screaming/in tears. Nobody is winning.
So I pray for patience: that I may not lose it with her... that I may look at her and only love her... that I may put myself in her shoes and feel compassion... that I may be firm and gentle and not regret the words that come out of my mouth far too easily... that she may move out of this "stage" and not be so angry/afraid/demanding/difficult...
I pray for patience.
I have heard people say you shouldn't pray for patience because God will serve you up plenty of ... ahem, opportunities to practice patience. And maybe tearing our hair out. Geez, God, way to kick us while we're down...
I don't really think God does that... lol... but I am praying for patience these days. Maggie is such a sweet and loving and silly and smart little girl, but at bedtime she transforms into the most persistent, rotten and insane little thing. She fights and fights. No rationality will do. We try ignoring. We try setting boundaries. We try cuddling to meet her needs. We try talking about it. We try reciting the rules. We try praying with her for peace. We try... we try... we try...
And we're tearing our hair out.
Some of these things work. Sometimes. Some nights. For the last several, nothing has worked until we're all miserable/screaming/in tears. Nobody is winning.
So I pray for patience: that I may not lose it with her... that I may look at her and only love her... that I may put myself in her shoes and feel compassion... that I may be firm and gentle and not regret the words that come out of my mouth far too easily... that she may move out of this "stage" and not be so angry/afraid/demanding/difficult...
I pray for patience.
4.24.2011
what works for you?
... Do that.
And (maybe even) celebrate that!
I am definitely stubborn and have some aspirations as a mama (but really, who doesn't?), but this really spoke to me today.
http://www.starkravingmadmommy.com/2011/04/what-works-for-you.html
Her blog is always really hilariously wonderful and insightful, but preach it sister! - couldn't we ALL do with a little less judgment and a little more support??
I think the answer is a resounding YES!
And (maybe even) celebrate that!
I am definitely stubborn and have some aspirations as a mama (but really, who doesn't?), but this really spoke to me today.
http://www.starkravingmadmommy.com/2011/04/what-works-for-you.html
Her blog is always really hilariously wonderful and insightful, but preach it sister! - couldn't we ALL do with a little less judgment and a little more support??
I think the answer is a resounding YES!
4.18.2011
humor
So, my 2.5 yo has always had a silly streak, but today we got a taste of what it looks like to have Magdalena Dawn mess with you and joke with you - intentionally. :)
She and I looked at a website with compact car seats a few days ago. Tim & I are just *over* moving the carseat back and forth (and back and forth) between our cars - never you mind having to do that with two (!) in a couple more weeks. So we decided it was worth our sanity to invest in a set for his lil car. I found a brand I liked and asked Maggie which color she liked. She picked out orange to go with baby bro/sis's limey green one I had already picked out. But later today, as she was getting loopier and loopier pre-nap time, she declared (through giggles she could scarcely hold back) that she wanted a stinky carseat.
"What?" I asked her, "A stinky carseat?"
"A STINKY CARSEAT!" she howled, giggling... and within 5 minutes or so, was fast asleep, perhaps dreaming of what a stinky carseat would involve. :)
Tonight during prayers, she listed the "regulars" who she needs to pray for (these are generally her pals from church, and especially her babysitter's kids) and then she threw mommy and daddy and baby brother/baby sister a bone.
So I prayed, "We pray for mommy and baby and daddy..."
And she said, laughing, "He wears a dress!!"
"Daddy?" I asked. "We pray that Daddy wears a dress?"
And, oh how she laughed and said, "YES, to wear a DRESS!"
Oh prayer time, what a riot you can be! God has got to have a sense of humor to listen to the prayers of 2yos! Mind you, I have one darn funny kid, if I do say so myself. Or maybe I just spend all day with a 2yo... and my brain is mush. But it works for me. I have been giggling about her new-found joke cracking all day. :)
PS. And we're super excited that our nieces were born last Wednesday and Thursday!! Amy gave birth to Natalie Lorena Wednesday afternoon and a little over 24 hours later, Megan welcomed Charlotte (Charlie) Louise into the world! So exciting - and it makes our baby's arrival seem all the more imminent! With that in mind, I worked on a pretty simple birth plan tonight. Babe will be here before we know it...
She and I looked at a website with compact car seats a few days ago. Tim & I are just *over* moving the carseat back and forth (and back and forth) between our cars - never you mind having to do that with two (!) in a couple more weeks. So we decided it was worth our sanity to invest in a set for his lil car. I found a brand I liked and asked Maggie which color she liked. She picked out orange to go with baby bro/sis's limey green one I had already picked out. But later today, as she was getting loopier and loopier pre-nap time, she declared (through giggles she could scarcely hold back) that she wanted a stinky carseat.
"What?" I asked her, "A stinky carseat?"
"A STINKY CARSEAT!" she howled, giggling... and within 5 minutes or so, was fast asleep, perhaps dreaming of what a stinky carseat would involve. :)
Tonight during prayers, she listed the "regulars" who she needs to pray for (these are generally her pals from church, and especially her babysitter's kids) and then she threw mommy and daddy and baby brother/baby sister a bone.
So I prayed, "We pray for mommy and baby and daddy..."
And she said, laughing, "He wears a dress!!"
"Daddy?" I asked. "We pray that Daddy wears a dress?"
And, oh how she laughed and said, "YES, to wear a DRESS!"
Oh prayer time, what a riot you can be! God has got to have a sense of humor to listen to the prayers of 2yos! Mind you, I have one darn funny kid, if I do say so myself. Or maybe I just spend all day with a 2yo... and my brain is mush. But it works for me. I have been giggling about her new-found joke cracking all day. :)
PS. And we're super excited that our nieces were born last Wednesday and Thursday!! Amy gave birth to Natalie Lorena Wednesday afternoon and a little over 24 hours later, Megan welcomed Charlotte (Charlie) Louise into the world! So exciting - and it makes our baby's arrival seem all the more imminent! With that in mind, I worked on a pretty simple birth plan tonight. Babe will be here before we know it...
4.13.2011
breath of life
Oddly enough, this was our theme for our Lenten Taize worship tonight...
I say "oddly" because all day long, I have been quite short on breath. According to my midwife the other week (and Dr. O'brien, today) babers is likely in position, but keeps bouncing him or herself into my rib cage region and I find myself seriously short on breath from time to time. I remember this happening with Maggie, but when it first started happening this time, I found myself kind of spooked. I wasn't exerting myself or trying to do too much - I just couldn't breathe. If ever there was something to make you panic... and then exacerbate that panic ... not being able to BREATHE might just be it!
So mid-afternoon, I laid myself pregnant self down for a quick rest ... we'd been up in the night previously with a night-terroring Magdalena :( ... and though I still was short of breath, I found it was much easier to "catch it" when I slowed it waaaaaay down.
Breeeeathe in .... breeeeathe out. Repeat. Slowly.
It helped to calm me and get me what I needed and I even got to doze for a few and let go of the day for a bit.
When I woke up, I was feeling better. Calmer. Able to catch my breath. Maybe the babers shifted a bit while I slumbered, maybe my slowing things down made a difference. But then I got to thinking about how busy this life has been in the last few weeks. We've had a whirlwind of weeks with birthdays (Tim's and mine), visitors (my sister and her crew), homework/finals/projects, trips to the western shore, and just general busy-ness! Not to mention the daunting realization that babers is set to arrive in about 7 weeks or so. And that comes with a list of "to dos" - though less than we got in order for Maggs. But WOW. Not only is it hard to physically catch our breath at 8 months preggers, but life doesn't slow down for anyone!
So tonight at Taize, we heard the story of God breathing life into his creation and then Jesus breathing life and healing back into a child. And I was just struck ... that God not only created us, but promises to sustain us ... in a busy life, in a busy world, in busy people who are creating and sustaining life! I can't believe - God willing - how quickly that little life will be with us, in my arms... likely after I myself do some very labored breathing to get that little one from life on the inside to life on the outside!
Of course, I pray it will take several more weeks, as I have a semester to get through and I want our babe fully cooked, healthy, and ready to breathe on it's own. I also pray for my sisters-in-law, Megan and Amy, who are waiting on late little girls. They were both due 4/7 and their wait continues. Luckily they are healthy and their babes are healthy ... but they, too, are learning all about slowing down and waiting.
Breeeeeathe in, breeeeeathe out. Repeat. Slowly.
Slowly.
I say "oddly" because all day long, I have been quite short on breath. According to my midwife the other week (and Dr. O'brien, today) babers is likely in position, but keeps bouncing him or herself into my rib cage region and I find myself seriously short on breath from time to time. I remember this happening with Maggie, but when it first started happening this time, I found myself kind of spooked. I wasn't exerting myself or trying to do too much - I just couldn't breathe. If ever there was something to make you panic... and then exacerbate that panic ... not being able to BREATHE might just be it!
So mid-afternoon, I laid myself pregnant self down for a quick rest ... we'd been up in the night previously with a night-terroring Magdalena :( ... and though I still was short of breath, I found it was much easier to "catch it" when I slowed it waaaaaay down.
Breeeeathe in .... breeeeathe out. Repeat. Slowly.
It helped to calm me and get me what I needed and I even got to doze for a few and let go of the day for a bit.
When I woke up, I was feeling better. Calmer. Able to catch my breath. Maybe the babers shifted a bit while I slumbered, maybe my slowing things down made a difference. But then I got to thinking about how busy this life has been in the last few weeks. We've had a whirlwind of weeks with birthdays (Tim's and mine), visitors (my sister and her crew), homework/finals/projects, trips to the western shore, and just general busy-ness! Not to mention the daunting realization that babers is set to arrive in about 7 weeks or so. And that comes with a list of "to dos" - though less than we got in order for Maggs. But WOW. Not only is it hard to physically catch our breath at 8 months preggers, but life doesn't slow down for anyone!
So tonight at Taize, we heard the story of God breathing life into his creation and then Jesus breathing life and healing back into a child. And I was just struck ... that God not only created us, but promises to sustain us ... in a busy life, in a busy world, in busy people who are creating and sustaining life! I can't believe - God willing - how quickly that little life will be with us, in my arms... likely after I myself do some very labored breathing to get that little one from life on the inside to life on the outside!
Of course, I pray it will take several more weeks, as I have a semester to get through and I want our babe fully cooked, healthy, and ready to breathe on it's own. I also pray for my sisters-in-law, Megan and Amy, who are waiting on late little girls. They were both due 4/7 and their wait continues. Luckily they are healthy and their babes are healthy ... but they, too, are learning all about slowing down and waiting.
Breeeeeathe in, breeeeeathe out. Repeat. Slowly.
Slowly.
3.09.2011
lent begins
I am a traveler on the way
to a sacred place
where God holds me
in the palm of his hand.
-Henri Nouwen
I am hopeful, that over the next 40 days of Lent, I will be aware of this. I don't have an exact discipline specified - that is, something given up or a specific practice added to my life. However, I have been thinking a lot about what it means to carve out space for God and living with intention and making an effort for peace. Peace within myself and peace in this world. What does it mean to wait? And to be OK in the waiting? Where does simplifying come in? Where does space set apart come in, especially when that just doesn't seem practical?
I know - big questions. And without a mission statement/goal, can I possibly succeed? Am I being over-ambitious? Well, I pray with God's help that I will begin carving out some time and space to discover what I need. I look at this Lenten season as a beginning to more intention, more trust, more patience. I trust that I may indeed be moved - if I let myself be open to God's movement in my life...
I am beginning by reading "Gifts from the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. I was given it for Christmas and had not really looked at it since then, but randomly picked it up last night. What a timely offering placed in front of me. To my surprise, it explores a lot of the themes I mentioned above and for that, I say thank you, God. Way to toss it in my path!
to a sacred place
where God holds me
in the palm of his hand.
-Henri Nouwen
I am hopeful, that over the next 40 days of Lent, I will be aware of this. I don't have an exact discipline specified - that is, something given up or a specific practice added to my life. However, I have been thinking a lot about what it means to carve out space for God and living with intention and making an effort for peace. Peace within myself and peace in this world. What does it mean to wait? And to be OK in the waiting? Where does simplifying come in? Where does space set apart come in, especially when that just doesn't seem practical?
I know - big questions. And without a mission statement/goal, can I possibly succeed? Am I being over-ambitious? Well, I pray with God's help that I will begin carving out some time and space to discover what I need. I look at this Lenten season as a beginning to more intention, more trust, more patience. I trust that I may indeed be moved - if I let myself be open to God's movement in my life...
I am beginning by reading "Gifts from the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. I was given it for Christmas and had not really looked at it since then, but randomly picked it up last night. What a timely offering placed in front of me. To my surprise, it explores a lot of the themes I mentioned above and for that, I say thank you, God. Way to toss it in my path!
2.26.2011
opportunity theft!
Today, when asked how old she was, Maggie said, "Fourteen."
And I said, "Ha ha, silly butt, you're 2.5 ... don't be in such a hurry to grow up!"
But then, even though she's my baby girl, I should take joy in the fact that she's a little capable girl who can do so many things these days! It amazes me all the time, in fact.
Later this morning, I read an article
http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/2011/02/26/stealing-from-kids/
... that reminded me and clarified some ideas for me about attempting to raise responsible kids. Of course, we talk with Maggie about helping and we talk to her about her emotions and her reactions and we talk to her about loving God ... and while I think all of these things definitely have a role in raising her up right, there is no substitute for stepping back and letting little ones actually do.
As an aside, Maggie hasn't been in a formal preschool setting or anything like that yet. I am super okay with that (as I think kids really get pushed toward formal learning way too early - sorry, they're learning ALL the time). We are thinking about fall 2011 after she's had a summer of trying out life as a 3yo.
Anyway, the article focused on a parent who took her child to school, and "stole" from her child of the opportunities to do anything for himself. She undid his jacket, hung it up, took off his boots, arranged them in his cubby, tied on his shoes - all while he stood back and hung back. You might presume he was a 3 or 4 yo from the way it was written, but in truth, he was years older! Readers responding to the article reinforced the witnessing this kind of the behavior and how apathetic and bored children subject to this can become. It immobilizes them, stunts them ... and never allows them to have the triumph of "I DID IT!" ... because someone else always just does it for them.
And that's quite a theft indeed. Really sad stuff.
I like to think I ask Maggie to try things on her own and step back, but truth be told, when she is overly pokey or gets vocally frustrated about a task, I can sometimes swoop in to do things myself before I've even realized I'm doing it! We all probably do those things sometimes, and it probably comes from a loving place, but the article really just struck me with how vital it is that we allow our kids to try to do things themselves. It's not to say we won't help or guide (or be tapping our foot or left with extra mess to clean up), but it really is vital to let them start trying these things out at a young age or else it will just feed into helplessness, laziness, and a generation of kids who automatically say, "I can't!!!" and then look to their parent to rescue them.
A good resource I came across in the responses got bookmarked promptly:
http://printable.tipjunkie.com/chores-at-what-age/
It is broken down for ages 3 through 16 and some tasks mentioned are geared toward a particular religious background (and that may be part of their tradition), but I found that we could take so much from it to encourage Maggie's independence and resilience. It gives me some concrete ideas to aim for. Upon second glance, it says it is from Merrilee Boyack's The Parenting Breakthrough. I'm not sure what else the book includes, but this list seems like gold to me. Some of it sounded a little wild at first, but when I think back, I was actually doing a lot of those things at this age.
And today ... ta-da! ... I am an adult capable of doing most things myself. Minus taxes - those are for the hubs and the CPA. Sorry dude, that's just how it is. ;) I surely wish someone would come rescue me from adult responsibilities and concerns sometimes, but I am also left thankful for my parents who let me try things (even when I was slow as molasses about it), make messes (that I, in turn, had to clean up) and ... gasp! ... even make mistakes (that I had to figure out how to fix).
I will be there with a hug, with words of encouragement ... but also hoping to help Maggie find her footing to try things and succeed at those things! What a gift we have the opportunity to give our kids. Words and lessons are not any less important to have, but putting it all into action... that's pretty exciting! That's where it's at.
And I said, "Ha ha, silly butt, you're 2.5 ... don't be in such a hurry to grow up!"
But then, even though she's my baby girl, I should take joy in the fact that she's a little capable girl who can do so many things these days! It amazes me all the time, in fact.
Later this morning, I read an article
http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/2011/02/26/stealing-from-kids/
... that reminded me and clarified some ideas for me about attempting to raise responsible kids. Of course, we talk with Maggie about helping and we talk to her about her emotions and her reactions and we talk to her about loving God ... and while I think all of these things definitely have a role in raising her up right, there is no substitute for stepping back and letting little ones actually do.
As an aside, Maggie hasn't been in a formal preschool setting or anything like that yet. I am super okay with that (as I think kids really get pushed toward formal learning way too early - sorry, they're learning ALL the time). We are thinking about fall 2011 after she's had a summer of trying out life as a 3yo.
Anyway, the article focused on a parent who took her child to school, and "stole" from her child of the opportunities to do anything for himself. She undid his jacket, hung it up, took off his boots, arranged them in his cubby, tied on his shoes - all while he stood back and hung back. You might presume he was a 3 or 4 yo from the way it was written, but in truth, he was years older! Readers responding to the article reinforced the witnessing this kind of the behavior and how apathetic and bored children subject to this can become. It immobilizes them, stunts them ... and never allows them to have the triumph of "I DID IT!" ... because someone else always just does it for them.
And that's quite a theft indeed. Really sad stuff.
I like to think I ask Maggie to try things on her own and step back, but truth be told, when she is overly pokey or gets vocally frustrated about a task, I can sometimes swoop in to do things myself before I've even realized I'm doing it! We all probably do those things sometimes, and it probably comes from a loving place, but the article really just struck me with how vital it is that we allow our kids to try to do things themselves. It's not to say we won't help or guide (or be tapping our foot or left with extra mess to clean up), but it really is vital to let them start trying these things out at a young age or else it will just feed into helplessness, laziness, and a generation of kids who automatically say, "I can't!!!" and then look to their parent to rescue them.
A good resource I came across in the responses got bookmarked promptly:
http://printable.tipjunkie.com/chores-at-what-age/
It is broken down for ages 3 through 16 and some tasks mentioned are geared toward a particular religious background (and that may be part of their tradition), but I found that we could take so much from it to encourage Maggie's independence and resilience. It gives me some concrete ideas to aim for. Upon second glance, it says it is from Merrilee Boyack's The Parenting Breakthrough. I'm not sure what else the book includes, but this list seems like gold to me. Some of it sounded a little wild at first, but when I think back, I was actually doing a lot of those things at this age.
And today ... ta-da! ... I am an adult capable of doing most things myself. Minus taxes - those are for the hubs and the CPA. Sorry dude, that's just how it is. ;) I surely wish someone would come rescue me from adult responsibilities and concerns sometimes, but I am also left thankful for my parents who let me try things (even when I was slow as molasses about it), make messes (that I, in turn, had to clean up) and ... gasp! ... even make mistakes (that I had to figure out how to fix).
I will be there with a hug, with words of encouragement ... but also hoping to help Maggie find her footing to try things and succeed at those things! What a gift we have the opportunity to give our kids. Words and lessons are not any less important to have, but putting it all into action... that's pretty exciting! That's where it's at.
2.08.2011
please pray...
I don't know that anyone reads this blog, but if you happen upon it and are the praying sort, please lift up a baby named Miranda. She is a newborn and she needs a miracle. Her mother lost her life in a car accident and the baby was delivered after being without oxygen for quite a while. Pray for her brain to show signs of activity - pray for God's healing in her life. Her family's heart is broken and her daddy needs her so much right now.
I have been a mess about this. It just reminds me that we never do know what might happen from day to day and that life is such a precious precious gift.
Please. Please pray for her and for her family.
I have been a mess about this. It just reminds me that we never do know what might happen from day to day and that life is such a precious precious gift.
Please. Please pray for her and for her family.
2.02.2011
discerning...
There are gut feelings, there are pros and cons lists, there are steps made out in faith...
But I find myself asking time and time again, how do you really discern the big things in life? The bold moves? The big decisions?
I guess this would imply that there are right decisions and wrong decisions. Perhaps it isn't really that simple; perhaps we have the opportunity to do good no matter where we do it or no matter how we choose to do it. You know, blooming where we're planted.
But somehow, when big decisions loom, I get into this mentality of there being one right decision and one wrong decision. I think ... maybe... that I don't want to end up swept up in the process of life happening and completely feel I have no say in the end results ... I want a *say* in the process! I want to be *intentional*! I want to choose my own adventure (loved those books as a kid) ...
Which again, conjures up images of pros/cons lists. Or just *knowing* in your gut that one thing is the right thing and going boldly in that direction, never looking back...
But life rarely seems to be that simple.
I want to find ways to get more in touch with that inner voice, that gut feeling, that truth.
It would make discerning a lot easier.
But discerning has to do with the wait. Not waiting passively, I remember reading in When the Heart Waits (by Sue Monk Kidd), but waiting actively. With open ears and an open heart ... dwelling in the unknown, asking for directions and looking for those signs of where God is leading. Of course, we wait actively, but there isn't a prescribed list of how to do it - which I so desire sometimes!
Maybe I should get that book off my shelf again. It was a good one.
For now, though, I wait. For revelation, for signs, for feelings, for direction, for clarity ... and maybe even to be caught up in life a little bit ... and then to just *know*.
Bloom where I'm planted ... I'm working on it. :)
But I find myself asking time and time again, how do you really discern the big things in life? The bold moves? The big decisions?
I guess this would imply that there are right decisions and wrong decisions. Perhaps it isn't really that simple; perhaps we have the opportunity to do good no matter where we do it or no matter how we choose to do it. You know, blooming where we're planted.
But somehow, when big decisions loom, I get into this mentality of there being one right decision and one wrong decision. I think ... maybe... that I don't want to end up swept up in the process of life happening and completely feel I have no say in the end results ... I want a *say* in the process! I want to be *intentional*! I want to choose my own adventure (loved those books as a kid) ...
Which again, conjures up images of pros/cons lists. Or just *knowing* in your gut that one thing is the right thing and going boldly in that direction, never looking back...
But life rarely seems to be that simple.
I want to find ways to get more in touch with that inner voice, that gut feeling, that truth.
It would make discerning a lot easier.
But discerning has to do with the wait. Not waiting passively, I remember reading in When the Heart Waits (by Sue Monk Kidd), but waiting actively. With open ears and an open heart ... dwelling in the unknown, asking for directions and looking for those signs of where God is leading. Of course, we wait actively, but there isn't a prescribed list of how to do it - which I so desire sometimes!
Maybe I should get that book off my shelf again. It was a good one.
For now, though, I wait. For revelation, for signs, for feelings, for direction, for clarity ... and maybe even to be caught up in life a little bit ... and then to just *know*.
Bloom where I'm planted ... I'm working on it. :)
1.18.2011
maggieisms #2
Maggie (as Tim spins Maggie around on her belly, whilst on the top of his head): I'm Jesus! I'm JESUS!!!
1.15.2011
a weird day... with weird energy
If I hadn't ended the pregnancy and lost the baby we call Clover, today would be the due date we were originally given: January 15, 2011. I realized this about mid-day, and thought to myself how I ought to do something special to commemorate her too-short little life (inside me). I'm not sure what I was really thinking of, but alas, all I did was bring it up on facebook - which brought a little recognition, a little discomfort but a little comfort, and a little sympathy...
By the time Maggie went down for her nap after lunch, I had a list of things I needed to get done. I was taking trash out, starting laundry, folding laundry, running back to the grocery store, getting a refund, picking up mail, paying bills, and taking all our Christmas stuff and my stuff from Dad's place out to our storage space, and hoisting ungodly boxes around to make everything fit. I got home and finished up the laundry and started cooking a new and somewhat challenging new Indian recipe for dinner. Talk about a burst of energy. After dinner, I did collapse on the couch for a bit and lose all that wildness, but then got back up and finished a buttload of dishes (which Tim was kind enough to start on) and am now ... relaxing.
So that last burst of energy left me in a weird space. Unsettled. Waiting. And my brain started cranking. And I thought, who knows ... had things worked out with the last pregnancy, had things progressed normally, if I was 9 months pregnant today instead of 4.5 months ... I might have indeed been nesting my brains out today. Getting ready to welcome a new life into our home. Scurrying around with ridiculous energy, trying to get things ready or just so ... so I could welcome that new baby.
I know it doesn't make sense - I know there's no metaphysical "reason" that I would "nest" today in connection with my lost baby - but when I finally stopped and sat myself down and thought - this recognition just kind of clicked into place.
It just somehow seemed very fitting.
By the time Maggie went down for her nap after lunch, I had a list of things I needed to get done. I was taking trash out, starting laundry, folding laundry, running back to the grocery store, getting a refund, picking up mail, paying bills, and taking all our Christmas stuff and my stuff from Dad's place out to our storage space, and hoisting ungodly boxes around to make everything fit. I got home and finished up the laundry and started cooking a new and somewhat challenging new Indian recipe for dinner. Talk about a burst of energy. After dinner, I did collapse on the couch for a bit and lose all that wildness, but then got back up and finished a buttload of dishes (which Tim was kind enough to start on) and am now ... relaxing.
So that last burst of energy left me in a weird space. Unsettled. Waiting. And my brain started cranking. And I thought, who knows ... had things worked out with the last pregnancy, had things progressed normally, if I was 9 months pregnant today instead of 4.5 months ... I might have indeed been nesting my brains out today. Getting ready to welcome a new life into our home. Scurrying around with ridiculous energy, trying to get things ready or just so ... so I could welcome that new baby.
I know it doesn't make sense - I know there's no metaphysical "reason" that I would "nest" today in connection with my lost baby - but when I finally stopped and sat myself down and thought - this recognition just kind of clicked into place.
It just somehow seemed very fitting.
1.13.2011
maggie-isms #1
Because she is just a little ball of hilarity these days - and I want to remember how much she makes me laugh. :)
Maggie-isms!
Mama (noticing Maggie "working"): Maggie, did you go poop?
Maggie: Nope.
Mama (checking): You DID go poop! Yay!
Maggie: But I have more and MORE!
Maggie (while running over her doll with her toy stroller):
Excuse me, baby! EXCUSE ME!
Maggie (watching a movie where everyone is dancing, she jumps to her feet): I need to dance TOO!
Maggie (flipping through a cookbook): I lookin' for a cheesy taco!
Maggie (after bath): We clean our bodies, we clean our butts!
Maggie-isms!
Mama (noticing Maggie "working"): Maggie, did you go poop?
Maggie: Nope.
Mama (checking): You DID go poop! Yay!
Maggie: But I have more and MORE!
Maggie (while running over her doll with her toy stroller):
Excuse me, baby! EXCUSE ME!
Maggie (watching a movie where everyone is dancing, she jumps to her feet): I need to dance TOO!
Maggie (flipping through a cookbook): I lookin' for a cheesy taco!
Maggie (after bath): We clean our bodies, we clean our butts!
just like the 2nd kid ...
... to get the shaft, and not get a formal "announcement" in the blogosphere.
Yeah, we're pregnant. As of today, I'm about 21 weeks. :) I suppose that I hinted at it several entries ago, buuuuut ... I also haven't blogged in a good long spell either. Everyone on facebook knows! But yes, my apologies, little one. I too was my mama's second, so I should be more sensitive to the shaft that those born after the first tend to get, but for now, I'll just commiserate with you. I've been there. You're in good company. :)
Baby is due around 5/25 - sometime at the end of May, as the actual date keeps fluctuating a bit depending on the day of ultrasound. And I have had a number of those, due to our complications from last time. Thankfully though, everything looks *quite* normal this time. And today we got our first indication that baby may be a big one. At this point, my midwife said it must have had a little spurt because it was 14 oz. Babycenter.com says that belly fruit is normally 11-12 oz or so at this point. Yowza! Way to grow, baby. And, um, lay off the holiday eats, mama. ;)
To make my neglectfulness up to you, little one, I will now smatter your u/s images all over the internets. You're very welcome.
6 weeks - ain't nothin' but a blip thang, bay-by!
9 weeks - more like a peanut now
11 weeks - a lovely profile
13 weeks ... big stuff!
... And today, 1/13, at 21 weeks and about 14 oz! Bruiser!
We've had our nerves, for sure, but we're very excited. I have been feeling good - tired, but good. I blame the tired on the toddler. :) Blessings abound!
** Oh, and I'm not being an elusive jerk - we didn't find out the gender! We'll find out when babe makes it's debut in 18-19 weeks!
Yeah, we're pregnant. As of today, I'm about 21 weeks. :) I suppose that I hinted at it several entries ago, buuuuut ... I also haven't blogged in a good long spell either. Everyone on facebook knows! But yes, my apologies, little one. I too was my mama's second, so I should be more sensitive to the shaft that those born after the first tend to get, but for now, I'll just commiserate with you. I've been there. You're in good company. :)
Baby is due around 5/25 - sometime at the end of May, as the actual date keeps fluctuating a bit depending on the day of ultrasound. And I have had a number of those, due to our complications from last time. Thankfully though, everything looks *quite* normal this time. And today we got our first indication that baby may be a big one. At this point, my midwife said it must have had a little spurt because it was 14 oz. Babycenter.com says that belly fruit is normally 11-12 oz or so at this point. Yowza! Way to grow, baby. And, um, lay off the holiday eats, mama. ;)
To make my neglectfulness up to you, little one, I will now smatter your u/s images all over the internets. You're very welcome.
6 weeks - ain't nothin' but a blip thang, bay-by!
9 weeks - more like a peanut now
11 weeks - a lovely profile
13 weeks ... big stuff!
... And today, 1/13, at 21 weeks and about 14 oz! Bruiser!
We've had our nerves, for sure, but we're very excited. I have been feeling good - tired, but good. I blame the tired on the toddler. :) Blessings abound!
** Oh, and I'm not being an elusive jerk - we didn't find out the gender! We'll find out when babe makes it's debut in 18-19 weeks!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)