opportunity theft!

Today, when asked how old she was, Maggie said, "Fourteen."

And I said, "Ha ha, silly butt, you're 2.5 ... don't be in such a hurry to grow up!"

But then, even though she's my baby girl, I should take joy in the fact that she's a little capable girl who can do so many things these days! It amazes me all the time, in fact.

Later this morning, I read an article

http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/2011/02/26/stealing-from-kids/

... that reminded me and clarified some ideas for me about attempting to raise responsible kids. Of course, we talk with Maggie about helping and we talk to her about her emotions and her reactions and we talk to her about loving God ... and while I think all of these things definitely have a role in raising her up right, there is no substitute for stepping back and letting little ones actually do.

As an aside, Maggie hasn't been in a formal preschool setting or anything like that yet. I am super okay with that (as I think kids really get pushed toward formal learning way too early - sorry, they're learning ALL the time). We are thinking about fall 2011 after she's had a summer of trying out life as a 3yo.

Anyway, the article focused on a parent who took her child to school, and "stole" from her child of the opportunities to do anything for himself. She undid his jacket, hung it up, took off his boots, arranged them in his cubby, tied on his shoes - all while he stood back and hung back. You might presume he was a 3 or 4 yo from the way it was written, but in truth, he was years older! Readers responding to the article reinforced the witnessing this kind of the behavior and how apathetic and bored children subject to this can become. It immobilizes them, stunts them ... and never allows them to have the triumph of "I DID IT!" ... because someone else always just does it for them.

And that's quite a theft indeed. Really sad stuff.

I like to think I ask Maggie to try things on her own and step back, but truth be told, when she is overly pokey or gets vocally frustrated about a task, I can sometimes swoop in to do things myself before I've even realized I'm doing it! We all probably do those things sometimes, and it probably comes from a loving place, but the article really just struck me with how vital it is that we allow our kids to try to do things themselves. It's not to say we won't help or guide (or be tapping our foot or left with extra mess to clean up), but it really is vital to let them start trying these things out at a young age or else it will just feed into helplessness, laziness, and a generation of kids who automatically say, "I can't!!!" and then look to their parent to rescue them.

A good resource I came across in the responses got bookmarked promptly:

http://printable.tipjunkie.com/chores-at-what-age/

It is broken down for ages 3 through 16 and some tasks mentioned are geared toward a particular religious background (and that may be part of their tradition), but I found that we could take so much from it to encourage Maggie's independence and resilience. It gives me some concrete ideas to aim for. Upon second glance, it says it is from Merrilee Boyack's The Parenting Breakthrough. I'm not sure what else the book includes, but this list seems like gold to me. Some of it sounded a little wild at first, but when I think back, I was actually doing a lot of those things at this age.

And today ... ta-da! ... I am an adult capable of doing most things myself. Minus taxes - those are for the hubs and the CPA. Sorry dude, that's just how it is. ;) I surely wish someone would come rescue me from adult responsibilities and concerns sometimes, but I am also left thankful for my parents who let me try things (even when I was slow as molasses about it), make messes (that I, in turn, had to clean up) and ... gasp! ... even make mistakes (that I had to figure out how to fix).

I will be there with a hug, with words of encouragement ... but also hoping to help Maggie find her footing to try things and succeed at those things! What a gift we have the opportunity to give our kids. Words and lessons are not any less important to have, but putting it all into action... that's pretty exciting! That's where it's at.