... with self-destructive, shoot-myself-in-the-foot syndrome.
It has been a challenging semester, but so far, a pretty good one. Then why is it, with the end so clearly in sight (2 remaining Thursdays of class, one being tomorrow) that I am hell-bent on going down like a chump?? The end is so close ... but I have managed to lose all ability to make myself sit down and get work done. Instead, I nap. Or cook. Or play Word Twist 617x in a row. Or nap. Did I mention I'm a big fan of the nap these days?
Left on my plate are:
- my final Ethics short paper (3 pgs, due tomorrow ... how much do I have done? None.)
- my big Helping Relationships paper (8 pgs, due next week, not even started... so embarrassed!)
- human development final quiz (to be taken tomorrow, have not yet studied...)
- Fowler's "stage 2 of faith" chapter synopsis (due next week, still must read chapter, still must fashion entire synopsis)
- in-class Ethics presentation w/ partner (to be presented next week, actually feel OK about this as we've been working on it for the last couple of weeks. We're close.)
And that's it. Shouldn't be such a challenge to get my butt in gear, but... it is. What is my darn problem?? I wish I knew. I want to work on Christmas cards, I want to decorate our apartment, I was to finish up some Christmas shopping, buuut ... all those things need to wait until I am done with this list of work.
So close, so close... ok, I have to stop blogging. I am stinkin' ridiculous. WORK, DAMMIT.
12.08.2010
11.07.2010
a sweet pastor's wife can only take so much...
I wish I could blame hormones and just UNLEASH my mouth in a foul-mouthed rage.
I wish I didn't hold such high standards for myself and could be a right-out ass and just tell some of these fools off. Darn faith, I take it's expectations of how I live pretty seriously...
I wish it wouldn't reflect on Tim negatively if I actually did take one of these aforementioned fools aside and tell them where to go and how to get there. (It would, of course, which my dear sweet husband does NOT need.)
I wish I could have a voice as a member of a congregation. Trust me, it would take a pretty special congregation to let a pastor's spouse have a voice and realize it did not equal their pastor.
I wish people would stop making it their goal to complain constantly to my husband. These are people who very often do nothing to help out around the church or do anything for the next generation of members, but they are there ... and they ALWAYS have a negative complaint on their lips. They never have anything good to say, and they never offer any real solutions. They just DUMP. (Fitting.)
I wish people would be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. Give it a try some time, a-holes, you might find you like it!
I wish I could really just shrug things off. You know, not care. To a point, I can ... but these offenders ... these *repeat* offenders ... make it so close to impossible. My blood pressure spikes when I encounter them. My skin will never be that thick and in a church (of all places) I don't think it should have to be...
I wish people would hold themselves up to a higher standard. Perhaps - inspired by their faith in a compassionate and loving God - they would actually practice grace and forgiveness and occasionally decide to take the high road. Occasionally pick their battles. Occasionally shut their damn mouths.
And lastly - for now - I wish I could be more forgiving and diplomatic. Luckily, I usually I am. Or at least I know when I need to walk away. But I also need this journal to be a safe place for me to dump and let off some of the steam.
(Pretty sad how these tags often go together for me.)
I wish I didn't hold such high standards for myself and could be a right-out ass and just tell some of these fools off. Darn faith, I take it's expectations of how I live pretty seriously...
I wish it wouldn't reflect on Tim negatively if I actually did take one of these aforementioned fools aside and tell them where to go and how to get there. (It would, of course, which my dear sweet husband does NOT need.)
I wish I could have a voice as a member of a congregation. Trust me, it would take a pretty special congregation to let a pastor's spouse have a voice and realize it did not equal their pastor.
I wish people would stop making it their goal to complain constantly to my husband. These are people who very often do nothing to help out around the church or do anything for the next generation of members, but they are there ... and they ALWAYS have a negative complaint on their lips. They never have anything good to say, and they never offer any real solutions. They just DUMP. (Fitting.)
I wish people would be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. Give it a try some time, a-holes, you might find you like it!
I wish I could really just shrug things off. You know, not care. To a point, I can ... but these offenders ... these *repeat* offenders ... make it so close to impossible. My blood pressure spikes when I encounter them. My skin will never be that thick and in a church (of all places) I don't think it should have to be...
I wish people would hold themselves up to a higher standard. Perhaps - inspired by their faith in a compassionate and loving God - they would actually practice grace and forgiveness and occasionally decide to take the high road. Occasionally pick their battles. Occasionally shut their damn mouths.
And lastly - for now - I wish I could be more forgiving and diplomatic. Luckily, I usually I am. Or at least I know when I need to walk away. But I also need this journal to be a safe place for me to dump and let off some of the steam.
(Pretty sad how these tags often go together for me.)
10.03.2010
standing in the need of prayer...
Right now, we could really just benefit from your prayers.
More details to come (probably). Thank you!
More details to come (probably). Thank you!
9.29.2010
good news/bad news
The good news is ... all of our stuff is out of Trappe and that dwelling is nice and clean. Not a professional job, but as good as I can do.
The bad news is ... we still have half of it in our cars and the other half of it has not a found a home (yet?) in our new apartment. We are living out of our cars and in a pigsty. Classy. My car is never pristine, but this is ridiculous.
It's stressful. I fancy myself someone who can live pretty simply and not sweat the small stuff, but right now it all feels kind of daunting and big. When we decided to live in this apartment, I didn't think it was that small. But now, the daunting truth is that it is.
I am home with Maggie so I feel like I should be able to have this all whipped into shape by now. But it is slooooooow. So very slow. Maggie is 2 and busy and doesn't love to see Mommy put things up and out of her reach. I try to do some homework and reading while Maggie sleeps.
Alas. A few more boxes were broken down today so that may be our little triumph.
The good news is ... I get a little "break" tomorrow (from this mess, from tripping over boxes and searching for space where this is none) with a full day of classes. Hee hee - a "break." So to speak. Ah well, in a sense, it is still kind of "me" time since it is something that is focused on my future and very important to me.
The bad news is ... I don't feel ready for school. The semester is rushing onward at a furious pace and I want it to stay in that "first day of class" mentality where nothing is really expected yet. My papers are done. My reading isn't. I can't find which chapter I was assigned for my Human Development class. It makes me feel all disorganized and dumb.
Alas. I suppose I will survive not being fully prepared though.
(Might have a little time to do some reading between classes.)
After my full day, we're planning a little getaway to Allentown to hang with Tim's sister, Amy and her husband and her baby girl for the first part of our weekend. It should be nice. They're taking Maggie's crib for storage/use since we definitely don't have room for that anywhere. We thought they might be able to take the couch too, but we're back to not having a place for the couch to go (not that it was ever guaranteed, but we were feeling optimistic).
Anyone want a couch? Has a nice hide-a-bed.
Oh yeah - and Maggie is still up for no good reason at all. This is not the norm at all. There is not much good news in that. I pray she won't be a beast for Tim and Miss Julie tomorrow. I hope (so tentative, I don't even want to say it) that she is quieting down. We shall see.
Anyway, I am very rambly. It's late and I have to be up early for my "break." Sadly, thus far, I never get enough sleep in this new place due to the morning traffic noise.
The bad news is ... we still have half of it in our cars and the other half of it has not a found a home (yet?) in our new apartment. We are living out of our cars and in a pigsty. Classy. My car is never pristine, but this is ridiculous.
It's stressful. I fancy myself someone who can live pretty simply and not sweat the small stuff, but right now it all feels kind of daunting and big. When we decided to live in this apartment, I didn't think it was that small. But now, the daunting truth is that it is.
I am home with Maggie so I feel like I should be able to have this all whipped into shape by now. But it is slooooooow. So very slow. Maggie is 2 and busy and doesn't love to see Mommy put things up and out of her reach. I try to do some homework and reading while Maggie sleeps.
Alas. A few more boxes were broken down today so that may be our little triumph.
The good news is ... I get a little "break" tomorrow (from this mess, from tripping over boxes and searching for space where this is none) with a full day of classes. Hee hee - a "break." So to speak. Ah well, in a sense, it is still kind of "me" time since it is something that is focused on my future and very important to me.
The bad news is ... I don't feel ready for school. The semester is rushing onward at a furious pace and I want it to stay in that "first day of class" mentality where nothing is really expected yet. My papers are done. My reading isn't. I can't find which chapter I was assigned for my Human Development class. It makes me feel all disorganized and dumb.
Alas. I suppose I will survive not being fully prepared though.
(Might have a little time to do some reading between classes.)
After my full day, we're planning a little getaway to Allentown to hang with Tim's sister, Amy and her husband and her baby girl for the first part of our weekend. It should be nice. They're taking Maggie's crib for storage/use since we definitely don't have room for that anywhere. We thought they might be able to take the couch too, but we're back to not having a place for the couch to go (not that it was ever guaranteed, but we were feeling optimistic).
Anyone want a couch? Has a nice hide-a-bed.
Oh yeah - and Maggie is still up for no good reason at all. This is not the norm at all. There is not much good news in that. I pray she won't be a beast for Tim and Miss Julie tomorrow. I hope (so tentative, I don't even want to say it) that she is quieting down. We shall see.
Anyway, I am very rambly. It's late and I have to be up early for my "break." Sadly, thus far, I never get enough sleep in this new place due to the morning traffic noise.
9.23.2010
hopeful
I am really not sure than anyone reads this blog except for me, but... let's say that I am feeling hopeful. A little overwhelmed, but hopeful. Nothing in life is guaranteed - in fact, maybe that's the only thing we can be sure of - but I am thankful for people, for life, for potential. I try to be a positive person, but I am probably a tad more on the even-keeled and realistic side. I know misfortunes happen, and I know things don't always turn out the way we hope - and sometimes there's no good reason why. But I still see a silver lining ... and am wishing for the best.
Thank you God, for all my blessings. Thank you.
Thank you God, for all my blessings. Thank you.
9.20.2010
oh baby girl...
Dear dear Magdalena girl ...
You nearly gave your mama a heart attack this morning when you ran away from my side at the car and almost directly into the path of a car. Thank the Lord they saw you, thank the Lord they could stop, thank the Lord I caught you ... but child ... I was crying and yelling and losing my damn mind because it was probably the scariest moment of my life. I am sorry if I scared you, but... you are precious to me. Listen to your mama! I don't yell at you all day and all night - please recognize that when I yell, it is because I need you to listen to me. I was shaking like mad and almost sick that you'd managed to get THAT far from me THAT quickly. You are my life, little girl, and as vigilant as I try to be ... oh, I wish you had some more common sense. I'm not willing you grow up way too fast (you already are), but you could truly stand more than a toddler's dose of reasoning skills.
I love you I love you I love you. More than you could know...
Mama
You nearly gave your mama a heart attack this morning when you ran away from my side at the car and almost directly into the path of a car. Thank the Lord they saw you, thank the Lord they could stop, thank the Lord I caught you ... but child ... I was crying and yelling and losing my damn mind because it was probably the scariest moment of my life. I am sorry if I scared you, but... you are precious to me. Listen to your mama! I don't yell at you all day and all night - please recognize that when I yell, it is because I need you to listen to me. I was shaking like mad and almost sick that you'd managed to get THAT far from me THAT quickly. You are my life, little girl, and as vigilant as I try to be ... oh, I wish you had some more common sense. I'm not willing you grow up way too fast (you already are), but you could truly stand more than a toddler's dose of reasoning skills.
I love you I love you I love you. More than you could know...
Mama
9.18.2010
settling in...
I'm still overwhelmed with the semester ahead (but at least I have a little more idea of what to expect), the new place is still a mess (but it's slowly taking shape) and life is marching forward at something a dizzying pace!
The new place ... is in a great location. We can walk to the coffee shop, farmer's market, church, Hispanic market, the utility company, the bank, the post office, park (though it's a bit further) ... it's sweet. I get a little happy buzz being able to walk around town with Maggs and Tim.
It's also significantly noisier than living way out in the no-man's land of rural (and wealthy) Trappe. I mean, Easton is a small town ... but big old trucks and buses and fire engines barrel through our intersection all day and all night! I'm sleeping a little better as time goes by, but it's going to take time to get used it. Maggie loves the bus sightings (she waves to the drivers!) and always brings up the "sarans" (sirens). (She says, "Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo! Again!")
The new place is also... small. We certainly don't need all the space we had in Trappe, but well, we got accustomed to it. We got accustomed to big closets and options for how to arrange things. Here - we've rearranged things a couple times so far because, well, many ways just don't work! But we're working on figuring that out. Being an older building, it's narrow and quirky. I love the quirk - definitely - but it causes some hardships. For example, our couch didn't end up fitting up the stairs. So we had to buy a little futon, which I am perched on right now. This also means we need to find a home for our couch, as we just don't plan to ditch this nice couch we bought a mere 2.5 years ago. We still have the storage space, but ... it too lacks room. And there's also still stuff back in Trappe that needs to go somewhere (Maggie's crib, clothes for her as she gets bigger, camping equipment, etc). So there's lots to figure out!
But it will work for us. We'll make it work. The benefits of Tim being able to be close to work - and all of us closer to civilization - are amazing benefits indeed! And I think school will work out, too, though I continue to be nervous about things - my Ethics class especially. But I'd better run - I hear my Gooey girl a'stirring from her nap!
The new place ... is in a great location. We can walk to the coffee shop, farmer's market, church, Hispanic market, the utility company, the bank, the post office, park (though it's a bit further) ... it's sweet. I get a little happy buzz being able to walk around town with Maggs and Tim.
It's also significantly noisier than living way out in the no-man's land of rural (and wealthy) Trappe. I mean, Easton is a small town ... but big old trucks and buses and fire engines barrel through our intersection all day and all night! I'm sleeping a little better as time goes by, but it's going to take time to get used it. Maggie loves the bus sightings (she waves to the drivers!) and always brings up the "sarans" (sirens). (She says, "Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo! Again!")
The new place is also... small. We certainly don't need all the space we had in Trappe, but well, we got accustomed to it. We got accustomed to big closets and options for how to arrange things. Here - we've rearranged things a couple times so far because, well, many ways just don't work! But we're working on figuring that out. Being an older building, it's narrow and quirky. I love the quirk - definitely - but it causes some hardships. For example, our couch didn't end up fitting up the stairs. So we had to buy a little futon, which I am perched on right now. This also means we need to find a home for our couch, as we just don't plan to ditch this nice couch we bought a mere 2.5 years ago. We still have the storage space, but ... it too lacks room. And there's also still stuff back in Trappe that needs to go somewhere (Maggie's crib, clothes for her as she gets bigger, camping equipment, etc). So there's lots to figure out!
But it will work for us. We'll make it work. The benefits of Tim being able to be close to work - and all of us closer to civilization - are amazing benefits indeed! And I think school will work out, too, though I continue to be nervous about things - my Ethics class especially. But I'd better run - I hear my Gooey girl a'stirring from her nap!
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