opportunity theft!

Today, when asked how old she was, Maggie said, "Fourteen."

And I said, "Ha ha, silly butt, you're 2.5 ... don't be in such a hurry to grow up!"

But then, even though she's my baby girl, I should take joy in the fact that she's a little capable girl who can do so many things these days! It amazes me all the time, in fact.

Later this morning, I read an article

http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/2011/02/26/stealing-from-kids/

... that reminded me and clarified some ideas for me about attempting to raise responsible kids. Of course, we talk with Maggie about helping and we talk to her about her emotions and her reactions and we talk to her about loving God ... and while I think all of these things definitely have a role in raising her up right, there is no substitute for stepping back and letting little ones actually do.

As an aside, Maggie hasn't been in a formal preschool setting or anything like that yet. I am super okay with that (as I think kids really get pushed toward formal learning way too early - sorry, they're learning ALL the time). We are thinking about fall 2011 after she's had a summer of trying out life as a 3yo.

Anyway, the article focused on a parent who took her child to school, and "stole" from her child of the opportunities to do anything for himself. She undid his jacket, hung it up, took off his boots, arranged them in his cubby, tied on his shoes - all while he stood back and hung back. You might presume he was a 3 or 4 yo from the way it was written, but in truth, he was years older! Readers responding to the article reinforced the witnessing this kind of the behavior and how apathetic and bored children subject to this can become. It immobilizes them, stunts them ... and never allows them to have the triumph of "I DID IT!" ... because someone else always just does it for them.

And that's quite a theft indeed. Really sad stuff.

I like to think I ask Maggie to try things on her own and step back, but truth be told, when she is overly pokey or gets vocally frustrated about a task, I can sometimes swoop in to do things myself before I've even realized I'm doing it! We all probably do those things sometimes, and it probably comes from a loving place, but the article really just struck me with how vital it is that we allow our kids to try to do things themselves. It's not to say we won't help or guide (or be tapping our foot or left with extra mess to clean up), but it really is vital to let them start trying these things out at a young age or else it will just feed into helplessness, laziness, and a generation of kids who automatically say, "I can't!!!" and then look to their parent to rescue them.

A good resource I came across in the responses got bookmarked promptly:

http://printable.tipjunkie.com/chores-at-what-age/

It is broken down for ages 3 through 16 and some tasks mentioned are geared toward a particular religious background (and that may be part of their tradition), but I found that we could take so much from it to encourage Maggie's independence and resilience. It gives me some concrete ideas to aim for. Upon second glance, it says it is from Merrilee Boyack's The Parenting Breakthrough. I'm not sure what else the book includes, but this list seems like gold to me. Some of it sounded a little wild at first, but when I think back, I was actually doing a lot of those things at this age.

And today ... ta-da! ... I am an adult capable of doing most things myself. Minus taxes - those are for the hubs and the CPA. Sorry dude, that's just how it is. ;) I surely wish someone would come rescue me from adult responsibilities and concerns sometimes, but I am also left thankful for my parents who let me try things (even when I was slow as molasses about it), make messes (that I, in turn, had to clean up) and ... gasp! ... even make mistakes (that I had to figure out how to fix).

I will be there with a hug, with words of encouragement ... but also hoping to help Maggie find her footing to try things and succeed at those things! What a gift we have the opportunity to give our kids. Words and lessons are not any less important to have, but putting it all into action... that's pretty exciting! That's where it's at.

please pray...

I don't know that anyone reads this blog, but if you happen upon it and are the praying sort, please lift up a baby named Miranda. She is a newborn and she needs a miracle. Her mother lost her life in a car accident and the baby was delivered after being without oxygen for quite a while. Pray for her brain to show signs of activity - pray for God's healing in her life. Her family's heart is broken and her daddy needs her so much right now.

I have been a mess about this. It just reminds me that we never do know what might happen from day to day and that life is such a precious precious gift.

Please. Please pray for her and for her family.

discerning...

There are gut feelings, there are pros and cons lists, there are steps made out in faith...

But I find myself asking time and time again, how do you really discern the big things in life? The bold moves? The big decisions?

I guess this would imply that there are right decisions and wrong decisions. Perhaps it isn't really that simple; perhaps we have the opportunity to do good no matter where we do it or no matter how we choose to do it. You know, blooming where we're planted.

But somehow, when big decisions loom, I get into this mentality of there being one right decision and one wrong decision. I think ... maybe... that I don't want to end up swept up in the process of life happening and completely feel I have no say in the end results ... I want a *say* in the process! I want to be *intentional*! I want to choose my own adventure (loved those books as a kid) ...

Which again, conjures up images of pros/cons lists. Or just *knowing* in your gut that one thing is the right thing and going boldly in that direction, never looking back...

But life rarely seems to be that simple.

I want to find ways to get more in touch with that inner voice, that gut feeling, that truth.

It would make discerning a lot easier.

But discerning has to do with the wait. Not waiting passively, I remember reading in When the Heart Waits (by Sue Monk Kidd), but waiting actively. With open ears and an open heart ... dwelling in the unknown, asking for directions and looking for those signs of where God is leading. Of course, we wait actively, but there isn't a prescribed list of how to do it - which I so desire sometimes!

Maybe I should get that book off my shelf again. It was a good one.

For now, though, I wait. For revelation, for signs, for feelings, for direction, for clarity ... and maybe even to be caught up in life a little bit ... and then to just *know*.

Bloom where I'm planted ... I'm working on it. :)

maggieisms #2

Maggie (as Tim spins Maggie around on her belly, whilst on the top of his head): I'm Jesus! I'm JESUS!!!

a weird day... with weird energy

If I hadn't ended the pregnancy and lost the baby we call Clover, today would be the due date we were originally given: January 15, 2011. I realized this about mid-day, and thought to myself how I ought to do something special to commemorate her too-short little life (inside me). I'm not sure what I was really thinking of, but alas, all I did was bring it up on facebook - which brought a little recognition, a little discomfort but a little comfort, and a little sympathy...

By the time Maggie went down for her nap after lunch, I had a list of things I needed to get done. I was taking trash out, starting laundry, folding laundry, running back to the grocery store, getting a refund, picking up mail, paying bills, and taking all our Christmas stuff and my stuff from Dad's place out to our storage space, and hoisting ungodly boxes around to make everything fit. I got home and finished up the laundry and started cooking a new and somewhat challenging new Indian recipe for dinner. Talk about a burst of energy. After dinner, I did collapse on the couch for a bit and lose all that wildness, but then got back up and finished a buttload of dishes (which Tim was kind enough to start on) and am now ... relaxing.

So that last burst of energy left me in a weird space. Unsettled. Waiting. And my brain started cranking. And I thought, who knows ... had things worked out with the last pregnancy, had things progressed normally, if I was 9 months pregnant today instead of 4.5 months ... I might have indeed been nesting my brains out today. Getting ready to welcome a new life into our home. Scurrying around with ridiculous energy, trying to get things ready or just so ... so I could welcome that new baby.

I know it doesn't make sense - I know there's no metaphysical "reason" that I would "nest" today in connection with my lost baby - but when I finally stopped and sat myself down and thought - this recognition just kind of clicked into place.

It just somehow seemed very fitting.

maggie-isms #1

Because she is just a little ball of hilarity these days - and I want to remember how much she makes me laugh. :)

Maggie-isms!

Mama (noticing Maggie "working"): Maggie, did you go poop?
Maggie: Nope.
Mama (checking): You DID go poop! Yay!
Maggie: But I have more and MORE!


Maggie (while running over her doll with her toy stroller):
Excuse me, baby! EXCUSE ME!


Maggie (watching a movie where everyone is dancing, she jumps to her feet): I need to dance TOO!


Maggie (flipping through a cookbook): I lookin' for a cheesy taco!


Maggie (after bath): We clean our bodies, we clean our butts!

just like the 2nd kid ...

... to get the shaft, and not get a formal "announcement" in the blogosphere.

Yeah, we're pregnant. As of today, I'm about 21 weeks. :) I suppose that I hinted at it several entries ago, buuuuut ... I also haven't blogged in a good long spell either. Everyone on facebook knows! But yes, my apologies, little one. I too was my mama's second, so I should be more sensitive to the shaft that those born after the first tend to get, but for now, I'll just commiserate with you. I've been there. You're in good company. :)

Baby is due around 5/25 - sometime at the end of May, as the actual date keeps fluctuating a bit depending on the day of ultrasound. And I have had a number of those, due to our complications from last time. Thankfully though, everything looks *quite* normal this time. And today we got our first indication that baby may be a big one. At this point, my midwife said it must have had a little spurt because it was 14 oz. Babycenter.com says that belly fruit is normally 11-12 oz or so at this point. Yowza! Way to grow, baby. And, um, lay off the holiday eats, mama. ;)


To make my neglectfulness up to you, little one, I will now smatter your u/s images all over the internets. You're very welcome.

6 weeks - ain't nothin' but a blip thang, bay-by!

9 weeks - more like a peanut now



11 weeks - a lovely profile




13 weeks ... big stuff!

... And today, 1/13, at 21 weeks and about 14 oz! Bruiser!

We've had our nerves, for sure, but we're very excited. I have been feeling good - tired, but good. I blame the tired on the toddler. :) Blessings abound!

** Oh, and I'm not being an elusive jerk - we didn't find out the gender! We'll find out when babe makes it's debut in 18-19 weeks!